Sexual Wellness Resource Center
For Adults over 50.

How to Choose the Best Couples Vibrator for the Two of You

senior couple holding hands
By Michael Bates, M.D.

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Vibrator use for senior couples is growing! Vibrators increase blood flow to the genitals and provide the strong, consistent stimulation needed for arousal, erections and orgasm. As we age, we need more and stronger stimulation—just as arthritis, weakened hands, aches and pains, and fatigue make it more difficult to deliver! Vibrators can help. They're also a lot of fun, and can add zest and zing to familiar routines!

It's important to remember that adding a vibrator isn't adding a third person to the bedroom—it's adding a tool to your toolkit to help maintain sexual intimacy. Just as using eyeglasses or hearing aids doesn't make you less of a person, neither does using a vibrator to bring your partner pleasure. It makes you a better lover, because you're giving your partner what they need to feel good.

Think of you and your partner as a team, using a vibrator to bring both of you pleasure.

What is a couples vibrator?

A basic handheld vibrator, like a bullet or wand, can be used by individuals and couples of all genders. They feel good almost anywhere on the body for sensual massage, teasing touches to the erogenous zones, or to provide strong stimulation to the clitoris and/or penis for arousal and orgasm. We'll provide some examples of these types of vibrators later in the buying guide.

When you see a toy marketed as a "couples vibrator" specifically, though, it's often a vibrator that provides stimulation to both partners at the same time. Couples vibrators are often wearable—on the fingers, around the penis, or partially inside the vagina. The wearable design keeps the hands free for other activities and helps direct the stimulation.

Before you buy a couples vibrator…

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about incorporating a sex toy into your couples play, especially if you haven't tried toys before. Like anything else involving your mutual sexual activity, you both must be comfortable.

If you are purchasing a toy that will be worn by your partner, they should be involved in choosing it to help ensure a comfortable fit. A couples toy should be fun and enhance the experience for both of you!

Our Couples Vibrator Buying Guide

First, there are important initial considerations when buying any sex toy.

1. Buy from a company that cares about your sexual health and is senior sex positive.

If that's a brick-and-mortar store, you'll know the employees are knowledgeable and will genuinely want to help you feel your best. If it's online, you'll know you're giving your dollars to companies that care about education and sexual health.

2. Choose high quality, body safe materials.

You get what you pay for when it comes to buying sexual aids and toys. Some inexpensive toys are made of cheap plastics that aren't good for sensitive genital tissues. Look for body safe materials. Many higher-grade sex toys are made from silicone, which also feels soft, comfortable and flexible.

3. Opt for a rechargeable or plug-in vibrator.

Rechargeable vibrators typically cost more than vibrators that use batteries, but the extra initial cost is well worth it. They are usually stronger than battery-powered vibes, and recharging is easily done with a USB cord or port. You don't have to worry about fiddling with tiny watch batteries in a small vibrator, or keeping multiple AA or AAA batteries around for a larger vibrator. Over the life of the vibrator, the cost of the batteries will likely overtake the initial cheaper purchase price.

To choose the best couples vibrator for you and your partner, start by asking these questions:

1. Is simplicity of use important?

Some couples vibrators are as simple to operate as pressing a single button. Others have high-tech features like programmable vibration patterns and synced apps that let you control the vibrations from the next room or even across the country (nice for long-distance couples). These advanced settings can be a lot of fun, but you won't enjoy the toy as much as you should if you find tech a hassle.

2. Does it matter to you what the toy looks like?

Most couples vibrators are wearable and so don't tend to look phallic (like a penis) or like a vulva or anus (as some masturbator toys do). Still, this is an important consideration. Some people and couples prefer toys that don't look anatomical.

You should also consider the overall look of the toy and how it makes you feel. Some sex toys are sleek and sexy, some are whismical and brightly colored, and some even look medical. You can choose a toy that reflects your feelings about using it. For fun? As a sexual aid? To spice things up?

3. Does the noise level matter?

Are you concerned about upstairs neighbors or grandkids in the guest room overhearing the vibrator? Some vibrators are loud, yes, but others are whisper-quiet. If you're shopping online, look at the product description and the reviews—they will typically point out the noise level. If you're shopping in a sex toy store, often the employees will turn on a sample toy so you can hear and feel it.

4. What do the reviews say?

If you're shopping online for clothing, cookware or a camera, it's second nature to check the reviews. Shopping for a sex toy is no different! This goes beyond whether the product is "good" or "bad." People are surprisingly forthright in their reviews about their experience using the toy, so you can get an idea of whether or not it might be right for you.

If you're shopping in person at a reputable sex shop, don't be afraid to ask employees for recommendations. You'll find them quite frank, upfront and helpful about the products. They want you to find the right product and to enjoy it!

What happens if the toy doesn't "do it" for us?

Try not to get discouraged. Over the course of your sexual life together, you've probably tried a position or technique that just didn't work the way you hoped. Sex toys are no different. Unless the toy is uncomfortable to use, do give it more than one try. Sometimes it can take a bit to get used to something new. If it's still not working out, apply what's not working about it (too strong of vibration, not strong enough?) to pick out a different toy.

Our Top Vibrators for Couples

Here are examples of quality couples vibrators for a variety of situations and needs.

For simultaneous penis and clitoris stimulation—no erection required!

The Hot Octopuss PULSE DUO delivers hands-free stimulation so partners can maintain intimate full body contact. Best of all, the wearer doesn't need an erection to use and enjoy it! Remember that orgasm is possible without an erection (or even ejaculation).

The flaccid or erect penis fits inside the toy, where it's stimulated with powerful oscillating pulses. At the same time, the partner can enjoy intense rumbly vibrations from the base of the toy. Independent controls let each partner adjust their level of stimulation.

Hot Octopuss Pulse DUO

Pulse DUO by Hot Octopuss

For extra stimulation during penis-vagina intercourse + help maintaining an erection

Vibrating penis rings (also called cock rings, c-rings or couples rings) provide extra stimulation to the clitoris or perineum, and depending on the strength and placement of the vibrator motors, sometimes to the penis itself. Penis rings may also help maintain an erection by restricting blood flow out of the erect penis. Our article on Penis Rings for Erection Problems has more information.

The Hot Octopuss ATOM has a surprisingly powerful motor for a penis ring, so it delivers deep, rumbly vibrations to both the penis and the clitoris during penetrative sex. A raised nub adds pressure and stimulation.

Hot Octopuss ATOM

ATOM by Hot Octopuss

The Lovehoney Ignite 20 Function Love Ring is a good entry-level vibrating ring for couples wanting to try out sex toys. It is rechargeable, waterproof and made of silky silicone. You can also wear this ring over the fingers and use it like a bullet vibrator to deliver teasing touches all over the body.


Lovehoney Ignite 20 Function Vibrating Love Ring

For penis, clitoris or all-over stimulation

Bullet vibrators are easy to handle, simple to use, and feel good just about anywhere on the body. Some are wearable on the fingers, making them even easier to incorporate into your favorite touches and caresses. Bullet vibrators can also be used by any gender for solo play.

When shopping for a bullet vibrator, it's important to look for one that has a strong motor for its size. Some inexpensive bullet vibrators are powered only by a tiny battery, and this tends to make them feel "buzzy" rather than deep and rumbly. This might not be enough stimulation if your body tends to need more for arousal and orgasm.

The Hot Octopuss AMO has a versatile curved shape that delivers both pinpoint and all-encompassing stimulation in one vibrator. This makes it an ideal first vibrator for couples because you both can experiment with different sensations. It can be used by either partner or both, in many different ways.

Hot Octopuss AMO

AMO by Hot Octopuss

The Hot Octopuss DiGiT finger vibrator is designed to feel like an extension of your hand, so it's easy to incorporate into your sexual play. Unlike many finger vibrators, which tend to have small battery-powered motors, DiGiT has a powerful rumbly motor and is rechargeable.

Hot Octopuss DiGiT

DiGiT by Hot Octopuss

The We-Vibe Tango is one of our favorite bullet vibrators. It's pocket-sized and non-intimidating, yet extremely powerful for its size. Tango is noted often as one of the most powerful bullet vibes on the market. It's designed for intense pinpoint stimulation with its tapered tip, and you can also use the flat edge for more diffuse sensations. Tango is also easy to use with one-button controls.


Tango by We-Vibe - Blue

For hands-free stimulation during penis-vagina sex

Most women require extra clitoral stimulation during penis-vagina sex, and this need can increase with age and an accompanying loss of sensitivity. It's not always easy for her partner to slip a hand between their bodies to provide that stimulation. These wearable couples vibrators are designed to help with that challenge.

The We-Vibe Unite and We-Vibe Sync have a smaller "arm" that is worn inside the vagina to keep the toy in place, and a larger arm that wraps around the front to stimulate the clitoris. The Unite toy offers clitoral vibration, while the Sync toy offers both clitoral and internal G-zone vibration. The arms are flexible and the toy is small and unobtrusive, so it doesn't get in the way of penetration.

What is the take-home message?

Use of vibrators and other sex toys is growing among senior couples. Vibrators can help deliver the strong, consistent stimulation needed for arousal and orgasm, especially as we age. They're also pleasurable and just a lot of fun! Talk over incorporating a sex toy with your partner. Don't be afraid to try—the best sex you've ever had could be waiting for you.

Advertising disclosure: This content contains affiliate links and sponsored product placements. That means that if you make a purchase through one of these links, we receive a commission. See our Advertising Disclosure page for more info.