Sexual Wellness Resource Center
For Adults over 50.

Sex Toys for Older Adults: Making that First Purchase

By Michael Bates, M.D.

Advertising disclosure: This content contains affiliate links and sponsored product placements. That means that if you make a purchase through one of these links, we receive a commission. See our Advertising Disclosure page for more info.

Sex toys are great for seniors! Sexual activity, solo or partnered, is good for your health with aging. Orgasms are amazingly effective for reducing anxiety and depression and increasing your sense of wellbeing.

However, orgasms are harder for women to reach after menopause because there is less pelvic blood flow and less sensitivity. They need prolonged manual stimulation, yet arthritic fingers and wrists may tire. Men over 50 often need more tactile stimulation for erections, but again, arthritic hands may tire. Sex toys can help.

More and more seniors are discovering the benefits of sex toys, yet some are unsure about buying their first one. If that's you, this article will help.

So what IS the obstacle to buying that first sex toy?

Some people worry that sex toys are unnatural or taboo—something reserved for dark sex shops and pornographic movies. Hearing aids and heart pacemakers are also unnatural, but they increase the quality of life. Think of sex toys as increasing the quality of your sex life!

So many sex shops today are welcoming and bright, with trained staff ready to help. You can also buy online if you're more comfortable shopping from home.

Other people fear that they will buy the wrong sex toy because of lack of knowledge. It helps to start off with something small, basic, no bells and whistles...and always made with safe materials and quality construction. Don't be afraid to ask questions, whether it's from store staff or using an online help feature, like our Ask the Experts feature.

Also realize that if a sex toy doesn't "do it for you" the way you'd hoped, that doesn't mean you made a mistake. It's a normal and educational step in learning what you want (and don't want).

Whether you buy a sex toy in an online store or a brick-and-mortar shop, be prepared to have some fun with it. You might share the experience with your partner or shop with a friend. Laugh and enjoy! You won't believe the number and names of some of the products!

Let go of any guilt, shame or embarrassment. That first sex toy is all about fun and pleasure.

Relax, dont judge yourself, there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed.

Let's go shopping! Ladies first...

Every woman should have a reliable, high-quality vibrator that meets her needs. The main challenge in purchasing one is the huge variety and number of vibrators on the market. The selection can be overwhelming. Who would have thought there were so many shapes, sizes, power options, and more?

Once again, think small, basic, no bells and whistles, made with body-safe materials and quality construction. Start with a small clitoral vibrator—most women are more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation than vaginal. Penetrating toys, like G-spot vibrators and rabbit vibrators, can come later.

Here are a few good options for a first vibrator.

We-Vibe Tango

A perfect first vibrator is the We-Vibe Tango. It is discreet and pocket-sized, yet is extremely powerful for its size. It is designed for precise external stimulation. You can use the tapered tip for intense pinpoint stimulation to the clitoris, and the flat edge can be used for all-over massage. There are eight vibration modes (intensity and patterns) but you can cycle through them easily with the touch of one button—no complicated controls. This vibrator is also rechargeable and waterproof.


Tango by We-Vibe - Pink

We-Vibe Touch

The We-Vibe Touch is a soft silicone vibrator designed for comfort. It has a sculpted design that nestles easily in your palm and has one-touch control for its eight vibration modes. Like the Tango it is a clitoral mini-vibe, but it offers deeper, rumblier and more diffuse vibrations rather than pinpoint intensity. You can use it for all-over massage, too. It's waterproof and rechargeable.


Touch by We-Vibe

Palm Power

The Palm Power is a wand style vibrator similar to the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, but is smaller and lighter. Like the Magic Wand, this is a stronger vibrator that gives overall stimulation, rather than the targeted pinpoint stimulation of a bullet or mini-vibe. One-touch speed control makes it simple for beginners to use. Another nice feature is the optional attachment heads, which allow you to get different sensations without buying a separate vibrator.

Now let's look at some sex toys for men...

Men, let's talk about a few products that help with erectile dysfunction.

Erections require more stimulation with age. Products called penis stimulators, penis vibrators, strokers and masturbation sleeves enhance arousal for solo or partnered sex. Remember too that an erection isn't required for orgasm and pleasure!

Hot Octopuss PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL

We've been recommending the Hot Octopuss PULSE for years. The main advantage is that it doesn't require an erection to use and enjoy! The design accommodates a flaccid penis, and can be used hands-free or, with some lube, as a stroker. The device oscillates and pulses, stimulating the penis head and shaft. You can use PULSE for solo enjoyment or to help build an erection for penetrative sex.

PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL by Hot Octopuss

Fleshlight Flight Pilot

The Fleshlight Flight Pilot is a masturbation sleeve that provides the extra stimulation older men may need to build an erection, or it can be enjoyed solo. It mimics intercourse with adjustable suction, lifelike interior material, and a number of different textures (bumps, fingers, ribs).

For some men, achieving an erection is not the problem, but maintaining one for penetration is. In that case, C-rings are the answer. These are also called cock rings, penis rings, and erection rings. They are useful for masturbation and intercourse.

C-rings are placed around the base of the penis or around the base of the penis and the testicles. With stimulation, blood flows into the penis with enough force to establish an erection. The ring stops the outflow of blood, which is the culprit in being unable to maintain an erection. Be prepared for some crazy product names when shopping for c-rings!

  • For the beginner, a soft and stretchy ring is the way to go, such as the Screaming O RingO Cock Ring. Beginners can also train their way to better erections using graduated sets of three for versatility while learning. The Fantasy C-Ringz 3-Ring Quick Release Trainer Set is another example.
  • Vibrating C-rings are also available and are designed to give your partner extra stimulation while helping maintain your erection. We'll get to those in the next section.

Finally, what about sex toys for partnered sex?

When you are starting out, a small external vibrator will be very useful in helping you both figure out what kind of vibes suit you best. It can instantly add some extra spice to lovemaking! These stimulators can be used by any gender on the nipples, clitoris, penis and other erogenous zones.

Hot Octopuss AMO

The versatile curves of the Hot Octopuss AMO allow you to switch between pinpoint and all-encompassing stimulation. You both can experiment with different sensations all within the same toy. This rechargeable bullet style vibrator is small, discreet and whisper-quiet, but packs a powerful punch with deep, rumbly vibrations. It's a great first vibrator for couples as it can be used by either partner or both, in many different ways.

AMO by Hot Octopuss

LELO NEA 2

The LELO NEA 2 is a beautiful compact vibrator that fits comfortably in the palm. It can be used for external stimulation alone, and it can also be nestled between bodies during partnered lovemaking for extra clitoral stimulation. There are eight stimulation patterns that can be easily accessed using only two buttons. If noise level is a concern for you, the NEA is a great choice as it is very quiet, yet powerful. This vibrator is rechargeable and waterproof.

NEA 2 by LELO

We-Vibe Unite

Most women require extra clitoral stimulation during PIV (penis in vagina) sex. This need can increase with age and an accompanying loss of sensitivity. It's not always easy for her partner to slip a hand between their bodies during intercourse to provide that stimulation.

The hands-free We-Vibe Unite solves that problem. The smaller "arm" of the toy is worn inside the vagina to provide anterior wall stimulation and keep the toy in place. The larger part of the toy wraps around the front to stimulate the clitoris. The Unite is small, slim and flexible to allow for normal penetration, which then also provides vibrating sensations to the penis. A simple remote turns the vibration on and off, and cycles through the 10 settings.

 


We-Vibe Unite

LELO TOR 2

The LELO TOR 2 is a vibrating couples ring, designed to provide clitoral stimulation while helping maintain an erection. It is made of stretchy silicone to fit comfortably on the penis. The vibrations are deep and rumbly rather than buzzy, and the vibrating portion can be worn either up or down.

TOR 2 by LELO

What's the take home message? Let go and get over your insecurities and fears. You might want to include your partner—make it a date, relax, have fun, and laugh! The best sex you have ever had could be waiting for you.

Advertising disclosure: This content contains affiliate links and sponsored product placements. That means that if you make a purchase through one of these links, we receive a commission. See our Advertising Disclosure page for more info.